A Big Thank You to all the horny Aunties!

Today as usual like the previous CNY, all the aunties will have a gathering at aunty rose's hse. And honestly speaking, it is something which I'm looking forward to and will not resist unlike going back to grandma's hse for reunion dinner or on 2nd day whereby everyone goes back.
So today I really enjoyed myself cos all the aunties will gather round and chat everything, including horny stuff lor... hahaha... although I may not be very comfortable with it especially when they're talking abt something really 'naked', on the other hand able to experience the thinking and way of expression of adults. So do not just simply think that it's too R21 and unsuitable.
There was a point of time when I went upstairs to get a drink, zhiwei's father asked me what I'm doing now so I told him lor... So naturally when u tell someone what u're studying, they'll link it to very far, in which u'll become a professional in that area. And he said must work hard... Then this is where all the aunties (or rather typically aunty jenny & aunty sally) began to 'counsel' me. Aunty jenny said, 'don stress her la', cos she knows what had happened to me recently that's why I think she kinda of know such of encouragement will sort of have a negative impact on me whereby I'll stress myself agn. Aunty sally also said, 'education is a long process, if can't take it, it means there's a need to slow down.' Aunty jenny also mentioned that most importantly is that u must find what u're studying is interesting. It's just like mummy getting u to mop the floor, if u don like it, u'll scold all kinds of things while mopping and vice versa if u like the activity. The way she talked was really amusing which I find it difficult to express it. However I'll remember it. While listening, my tears were on the verge to drop again but I tried very hard and managed to curb it luckily. Why is this so because of 2 reasons. Firstly, I'm really touched by their encouragement and secondly it's because I'm reminded of the sad and torturing period I went through not long ago. Actually I was quite shocked to the extend in terms of the number of people who knows abt it. When I just reached there, I greeted Popo and when she gave me an angbao, she actually said get good results and DON STRESS. I'm touched too at that time. In fact I don mind people knowing it because it isn't something ungraceful or what. Anyway I've known those aunties since very young.
Tonight, I've learnt something valuable agn, which is 'education is a long process'. Perhaps I know this since very long ago but only today aunty sally actually made it appear on the surface and reminded me this. Yes, indeed it is a long way, it doesn't just stop at just getting a degree. Many people wants the faster route to get a degree fast and it seems to just stop there. It appears to just get it for the sake of getting it. This statement actually summarises my whole decision for every everything... Really...

I know I want I should change my current state. I've alrd made the first move by seeing a psychiatrist to know what is my problem and how to solve it. In fact I clearly know where is my problem and see 1 is more to seeking a solution to solve the problem. Ultimately it still have to depend on myself. I should not use the 'pitifulness' expressed by others to me as a reinforcement to carry on sinking deeper into the well of negative thoughts. Eventually, no one will pity u and it's harder to pull self out of it.

On the surface, people will think that what I'm going through is unneeded for, it's just that self being 'weak' that's why going through all these. However, now I would think differently as that regardless what have self gone thru, there'll be something valuable to learn from it which can't be bought by money. In addition, it meant more by going thru it personally than merely retrieved it thru second hand encounters. That is why different people who trying to pass the same msg across the audience have different effectiveness. This lies in how colourful their life is. The more a person goes thru in life, he more 'power' in his speech especially on life lessons. This force seems to be innate, nothing can be exchanged for it.

In conclusion, A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF THEM! I MEAN IT! ^_^

The person I adore alot!

Today went back to KR after 1 yr plus since the last visit. Initially I didn't want to visit ever since I withdrawed from NTU because somehow I feel I've let them down by giving up such a good chance. On the other hand, I didn't want to explain the reason for my decision because it'll be tiring for me and they might not understand anyway as they're not me. Just like what the psychiatrist said is true (because I agree too) that people tend to give comments without seeing the whole matter, just simply base on the end product which is decision. They are not going through what I'm undergoing so they cant possibly understand. Perhaps people will say everyone will undergo something similar so there's no excuse for you to give up such a gd chance blah blah blah. I agree that as people undergo different phases of life will experience something similar but not entirely the same process... For instance, young adults at the age of abt 20 will most probably be lost to what they want to do or feel afraid because the road in front is unclear. However, the thoughts, feelings involved differs across each individual as everyone is unique! That's why facing the same problem doesnt mean will have same outcome. Life problems cannot be simply solved with the use of algorithms usually.

Anyway, the main reason I went back was to see Mrs Tan because I still owed her a phone call. She passed a msg to me thru my brother to give her a call because she knew that I've withdrawed so she most probably will want to know what made me to have such a decision. I was still wondering how she knew it and she said it was her husband who told her. Wah! I didn't expect her husband to know me. I see him before and he knows my existence but didn't know that he remembered me so clearly. In fact I do hope to be taught by him because afterall he's mrs tan's hushband so anticipating how well he lectures as compared to mrs tan. Actually I did attend his lecture once before i withdrawed so... at least have not wasted my trip in there.. haha... When I know that my former teacher is still concern abt me, I really really really feel very happy and thankful of her because now she doesnt seem to be my teacher but more like a friend. In the past I'm very afraid of her and didnt expect that now I'll adore this teacher so much! I truely feel very fortunate to be in KR although i'm being 'dumped' there randomly. Those were the happiest and most fortunate days. I'll always remember and shall carry it with me whenever I go~

I'm not running away from problem...

Today I had an appointment with a psychiatrist. Finally I decided and went with it to see 1. I hope to be able to solve the current problem I'm having. So I'm very fine with the thought of visiting one unlike what people think of, such as only those 'mad' ones then will see a psychiatrist. Actually I find that my case isn't that serious to the extend to see a psychiatrist but nevertheless, what a psychologist can do, so can they. It's just that happened someone knows 1 so I went with it. During the session, I just told whatever I want and shortly after, I began to cry while telling my situation. I don't know for what reason I cry but just felt sad inside and got the urge to cry it out. Actually what she said to me I know it very well what's wrong within myself but somehow unable to get out. She had made some suggestions which I think I could try applying it when I need it. I also did tell her that sometimes I wonder if I'm running away from problem (refering to withdrawing from local uni) after hearing all the comments from those who know that I had such decision. Initially, I do seriously think I'm running away from problem but she said that if I am, I wouldn't be there to consult her for my problem.
To an extent I agree too and indeed I should be more confident for the decision I made. I don't know what will be in the future and all I can do is just to progress forward and not to look back. Clinging tightly on the past can obstruct one's way however if holding on to what is neccessary can enable one to progress forward bravely...

Thinks to remember:
1) Don't expect people to fully understand what you're going thru and the decision made. People tend to give comments without knowing the exact process u're going thru so it's normal to hear comments u dont agree. However, take it easy... as long u know what u're doing therefore...
2) Be more confident of your decision
3) Giving up a good chance may not necessarily be bad as what majority of the people think as long u know why u're doing so. As such, this does not imply that u're stupid or what. Intelligence can't be measured like that, just like what common IQ tests test for. Therefore, under such situation, Sternberg's and Gardner's intelligence theory are very applicable and also 'fairer' because they do not place too much emphasis on the end product of thinking like IQ tests does. Process too, is very important and shld not simply see the end product. Perhaps living in this fast paced world, everyone wants everything to be fast so even when it comes to thinking, shortcuts are used. Shortcuts are good because it saves time and effort but over reliance on it can be errorenous too.
4) There are always alternatives so do not be afraid. Now afraid is because can't see other alternative ways that can also lead us to the goal. So always bear in mind that alternatives are always out there. Now can't see it doesn't mean in the future can't see it. So now just concentrate on whatever is within your sight. =)