Too many factors to consider

Now come to think of it, if i really want to go overseas there are far more concerns which are pulling me back. And most importantly is my mum. In this entire family all the males are simply useless I can say. They are so dependent on my mum to do everything for them and even if she comes back late, they simply can't be bothered to share the burden by doing some housework, especially that twin brothers of mine. They have eyes to see yet they can just ignore. She slps so late everyday despite i did those hsework for her alrd, i wonder if there's more to do lor. In the end she slps like 2-3 hrs only? I'm damn frustrated can. Irregardless how many times I or ah yee tell or rather say her she just don't take it seriously. For god sake la, age no longer young alrd lor yet still so stubborn. I think I have no other choices but to sacrifice my slp alrd. Perhaps only by using my slping hrs to 'threaten' her then she'll slp early. Haiz... so if i were to go overseas who will share to do the hsework? depend on that 2 doing nth but only play computer games? Can simply forget abt it. I'm so tired of telling them off alrd. I wonder when will they wake up lor. Must really something bad happen then start to reflect or regret? Who Who Who can help me? I'm really worried for her and if this carries on (which most probably will), I can forget abt going overseas with a peace mind. These worries are not redundant right, so how can I not worry abt. I can be very selfish just to think for myself but no matter what, my mum is my top priority. As for those 'males' in this household, i'm not giving a bother since they're so insensible.

Now could be the cooling down period for me I suppose. 1 matter which made me feel rather glad today is that ah yee said she support me too if i forgo studies in singapore n go overseas instead. 1 thing i don want to stay in singapore to study because i think it's becoming more n more scary to study over here. foreigners coming to singapore are also becoming just as competitive as singaporean students especially those real clever ones. All along since pri sch till poly, people arnd me tend to be of the same level (smartness) as me so the envt is rather pleasant n comfortable. Unlike in the uni, where all the real smart people are gathered, the atmosphere is totally different. competition is no longer a motivation but became a necessity instead. as long as u're part of this circle, hard core competition is a must. so it's like a weapon coming after your life, and what u can do is to defend urself. in order to defend, u might need to choose a weapon and in the end it's of the same weapon! This means joining the HCC (hard core competition) too. I believe if a person by nature does not belong to the competitive grp, under such HCC situation influence, gradually will fall into this category unknowingly too. Perhaps uni is a preview to wad the real society is like but i can say that I hate it. Actually it can be quite a torture n more tiring having a average person among the smart grp if he/she is trying hard to chase up their pace or standard. Sometimes able to make it for the minimum alrd is a prob, needless to say to be on par or ahead of them. There is nth impossible as long have the will but sometimes this kind of issue, it is a fact that IQ difference does make difference on actual situation, hard work need not play a part. That's why I don't like the classification of students base on their academic results. it's just like a barrier between the average n smart whereby average people may see smart people to be so full of themselves n arrogant, unfriendly etc. As to wad neg. impression smart people have towards average people, i don know. But certainly, there are misunderstandings between this 2 population. subconcoiously in the minds of average people they have such neg thinking abt smart people, so this could be why smart n average people doesn't really click together unless it's by chance they get to know each other more? Although such neg impression can't be applied to everyone but it seems to have imprinted in average people minds alrd (linking smart n arrogance).

But on the other hand, if there is no grping of students base on their ability. does the smart n average able to get together too? Sometimes I feel it's affinity bah. the type of friends u befriend with usually are of the same kind as self, so it's sort of a kind of attraction cum filtration force. so those of different freq. from self are being repelled further away?