Friday, November 28, 2008
Rascals are back!
After a continuous of 4 days with complete peace at home, that 2 rascals are finally back! Indeed, they've became darker but not as dark as black chickens la. Back from OBS definately they bought T-shirts back but never did I expect that Gerald bought 1 for me too! OMG... why would I want one for? I didn't go OBS leh, give me I also don't dare to wear lor. Haha but nevertheless, this showed that he did think of me so hahaha feel happy abt it anyway.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Sorry, Mummy...
I've been longing to tell you something but don't know how to say it because there are simply too much I want to say it out. I think I have a problem with myself psychologically. Now practically I'm like fighting with myself within me everyday. When it comes to school work, I get very anxious over it easily and inside me keep telling me to study study study, using all the available time i have on study. So whenever I'm anxious or begin to worry I can't study everything I should know, my brain will blank out. I can't remember or understand anything I read. No matter how many times I read doesn't seem to remember for long. I really want to relax, take study as something I like and not just achieving good results. I don't want to place too much emphasis on it but somehow I just can't convince myself to do so. If I think I rest too much instead of studying, I'll blame myself. Actually since poly this has been happening. I tend to use negative thoughts or feelings to push myself. Gradually this seems to have become a habit and now when I want to get out of it I don't seem to be able to do it. I'll still be struggling inside and I really feel terrible that my chest feels very tight, feelings bottled up and then begin to cry. I want to be as happier by not being too bounded by matters like school work and other stuff. Will you be disappointed if I don't earn big bucks like everyone else like Cassandra, Jackson etc.? Will other people like Mary guma they all say negative things to you or look down on us? Do you think I've let you down or a burden when I said don't want to stay in NTU? Now having to pay so much for school fees I feel I have the responsibility to do well otherwise will let you down. That's why I'm pushing myself hard again, feeling exactly how it was during poly years. The reason why I want to transfer is also because I thought of changing myself to be happier whereby learning under a less stress environment because I truely not as happy as I used to be during secondary school years. I've seem to become anti-social, eccentric ever since. Now I realised the real problem lies within myself because I can't get over the psychological barrier in me and not so much because of the environment, what should I do?
Saturday, November 08, 2008
I am a burden
I'm really nothing but a burden. Why can't I just pretend nothing felt and just keep it away from consciousness? if able to do so will definately save more trouble away for my parents. I hate myself even more now. Remaining as it used to be perhaps gives me an excuse for all not so well doings and perhaps then I'll be more relaxed? Im really a burden!!
Friday, October 31, 2008
I'm being treated as a Princess!
Do u know how ridiculous my mum can be when I told her I think taking bus to school seems faster than compared to MRT? She suddenly said, 'how much will it be to take book a cab and send me to school everyday?' My immediate response is =.= Am I a rich kid or what. I can't believed she said this lor. If I agreed to it she surely will get it done lor. OMG... I know she loves us even to the extend of spoiling us as long it's within her means but isn't this slightly or very over alrd? But somehow I feel very happy within hahaha because I felt she's kind of cute and funny at the same time. I really felt as if I'm really a 'wealthy' princess! Even though we're not rich but this time I really experienced and feel feelings, warmth are more important than money. I'm not saying money is not important but enuf to use it's gd alrd. Too much money also might not be able to spend all right? But I think if my mum has countless of money, we'll definately be spoilt brats so apparently it's good that she isnt that filthy rich., though I hope she could be richer but to be used in a more meaningful manner.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
幸せになる:The second event which made me feel real happy inside,
So far, the 2 learning places which marked an important place in my heart is KRSS and Ando sensei's Jap class. I really feel fortunate to be in his class and with a group of nice classmates. However this lasted short because soon it was the end of int. class. Although the few of us actually still keep in touch and proceed to next level together but then Ando will no longer be teaching us. I really miss his teaching and most important it's because he's really a nice sensei. =) Hope that we including Ando sensei can keep in touch often but it's better to master better jap first in order to have a smooth and longer lasting conversation. Hahaha...
Yes, I'm really glad and happy to say that this is definately one of the important moment in my life and why would I know and only blog it now it's because whenever I think back, I found myself basking in happiness, real sense of happiness within me. This is exactly how I felt after I left KR hence I know it lor. Hehehe...
本当に ありがとう
Greatful + Thankful
=
Happiness
Greatful + Thankful
=
Happiness
Sunday, October 19, 2008
今日よく楽しいです!
I think I should write this down even though several days have passed. I was browsing thru some sec sch days photos and I happen to come across 1 photo which captured 1 of the wall sticker we pasted in sec 2 classroom. It stated, 'Go Confidently In the Direction Of Your Dreams!' Yes, it came just in time not only to me but for my fellow peers as well or others who need this phrase to remind them, to give them courage?
So, yea...
So, yea...
GO FOR IT!!!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Present is never like yesterday anymore...
Things are really never like the past. One of the things which I really hope to hold on to even till I grow real old one day which is to keep in contact with my sec sch friends. However, especially in this year after all the things I have gone thru, I realised I didn't really want to contact them. It's either they're real busy with their own work or rather I don feel like telling them. But aren't they suppose to be my close friends? Just like some friends I thought we're close but actually we're drifting away from one another further n further as days go by. She does keep in contact with other sec sch friends whom I know too. So I was thinking am I really a people that difficult to get along well with? Perhaps I think. Even though I know they 'click' with me but somehow deep within me I still feel that something is lacking.
I felt I'm selfish because now my parents have a heavier burden because of me. If I chose to go overseas and study it'll be the same or even worse right? I know if I really want my mum will think of all ways to raise the money but I can't be that selfish. At least and also the max I could do is to at least remain in Singapore. So from now, I'll save real hard... There are still some issues n thinking within me which I really feel like writing out but I don know how so.. forget it...
Lastly, who will be my true friends eventually? or rather I will not even have 1? I'm feeling so poor, really poor (not because of monetary wise).
I felt I'm selfish because now my parents have a heavier burden because of me. If I chose to go overseas and study it'll be the same or even worse right? I know if I really want my mum will think of all ways to raise the money but I can't be that selfish. At least and also the max I could do is to at least remain in Singapore. So from now, I'll save real hard... There are still some issues n thinking within me which I really feel like writing out but I don know how so.. forget it...
Lastly, who will be my true friends eventually? or rather I will not even have 1? I'm feeling so poor, really poor (not because of monetary wise).
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Thinking abt lessons of life
Today I've read the response lpy wrote on trixy's wall. Indeed, trixy has mistaken that quitters withdrawed from *** is because cant take the stress. So far I only know 2 withdrawers (prefer to use withdrawers than quitters. u'll know why later) which are me (the head) followed by lpy. from lpy's reply she said it didnt apply much to her so she decided to go melb to study instead. So most probably she'll do back science line i suppose which is not much of a struggle for her anyway since not much change except for sch. Moreover her family has the money, can afford her expenses over there sooo okkkk...
I feel like writing on trixy's wall that actually why i chose to withdrawed is really after quite a struggle before I came to this decision. I admit stress is inevitable once enter uni but definately I'm not because of this. Before uni started, there is alrd a sense of relunctance within me which I ignored till when sch started. Partaially I do admit is the slight stress experienced at the start caused me to recognise the reluctance within me and ask myself is this what i really want. At last I know and finally admitted to the fact that I do not want to stay in the lab doing research. Doing science line this is definately 1 of the choices. Besides this, are dealing in sales or teacher. I don't like sales so no no... I don't reject the thought of being a teacher but regardless what I study can also be a teacher. However, being a teacher is like a 'backup, last resort' to me. many people in my situation will carry on because of reputation, money matters etc. but is that really what they want? Probably I will do the same if I continue to run away from the qns i have inside me, which is 'is this really what I want'? I thought probably due to uni stress so didnt want to think abt it. However, the feeling became stronger and stronger so I gave serious thought to it.
There are much thoughts within me which I wont elaborate but want to make 1 thing known to others. Do not follow blindly. U might not know what u want now but perhaps in the future u'll know. When u know what u want, do not run away. Accept it to save urself from agony. It will come hunting u if u force urself not to think abt it. Ultimately, only u know wad u like or want because it's your life, YOUR VERY OWN LIFE.
I feel like writing on trixy's wall that actually why i chose to withdrawed is really after quite a struggle before I came to this decision. I admit stress is inevitable once enter uni but definately I'm not because of this. Before uni started, there is alrd a sense of relunctance within me which I ignored till when sch started. Partaially I do admit is the slight stress experienced at the start caused me to recognise the reluctance within me and ask myself is this what i really want. At last I know and finally admitted to the fact that I do not want to stay in the lab doing research. Doing science line this is definately 1 of the choices. Besides this, are dealing in sales or teacher. I don't like sales so no no... I don't reject the thought of being a teacher but regardless what I study can also be a teacher. However, being a teacher is like a 'backup, last resort' to me. many people in my situation will carry on because of reputation, money matters etc. but is that really what they want? Probably I will do the same if I continue to run away from the qns i have inside me, which is 'is this really what I want'? I thought probably due to uni stress so didnt want to think abt it. However, the feeling became stronger and stronger so I gave serious thought to it.
There are much thoughts within me which I wont elaborate but want to make 1 thing known to others. Do not follow blindly. U might not know what u want now but perhaps in the future u'll know. When u know what u want, do not run away. Accept it to save urself from agony. It will come hunting u if u force urself not to think abt it. Ultimately, only u know wad u like or want because it's your life, YOUR VERY OWN LIFE.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Inconsiderate smokers
Irritating! The thing which I hated most finally took place today when I was crossing the road at Orchard. There's this person who was smoking while crossing and therefore that cloud of smoke just blew DIRECTLY onto my face!!! WT... I not only feel my face is covered by a layer of grey, extremely dirty, filled with dirt and carcinogenic susbstances!!! The worst thing is don know how much of such F* smoke just entered my body. For god sake la, want to smoke pls smoke it elsewhere where got no 1. why must be at crowded public places. The air is so bad alrd yet ok lor now directly double dosage somemore... So far out of so many presentations I've done in sch, the best was the topic of smoking delimna. Oh man... my lungs became much darker after today le... ARGH!!! I DON WANT! The worse people on earth are those inconsiderate smokers! Want to smoke, can but pls do it wherever got no people. U might say public place is for everyone but wad u're doing is harming other peoples health so in another sense, the previledge assigned to u in public place is naturally will be taken away or lesser than non smokers. There are no perfect things on earth. if u want to do sth especially potentially places others health at risk, sorry but to get back ur so called freedom in public.
ARGH!!! I just cant get over it!!!!!!!!!
ARGH!!! I just cant get over it!!!!!!!!!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Numb Toe
I admit I'm abit Kiasu when it comes to anything felt wrong about body. I had a numb toe for abt 2 days and went to see a doctor le because after reading up from the internet, the more I felt scared as it mentioned regarding abt the spinal cord. Spinal cord is so so so important so it's best to consult the doctor and get an explanation for my condition. Yes indeed, a damaged nerve in the toe due to high impact pressure exerted on 5th Lumba of spinal cord (which is where most amt of body weight exert upon). So I think what really causes my toe to go numb this time (red alert) partially because for the past 1 week overseas I've been carrying alot of heavy things most of the time. So this is the catalyst. Dr Chan explained to me so at least I understand and at least have a peace of mind finally otherwise will think of all kinds of bad scenerios. That's why I like to consult him. And I've changed the usual doctor I have been visited since young which is near my house. I'm really glad to be able to get to know such a doctor and he teaches me new things (e.g. life lessons besides science).
Yes, nothing serious abt my numb toe and soon will recover after the damaged nerve has been repaired. And really, he prescribed Vit B12 to me for nerve repair (just like what I've read up previously). Besides, I have to start taking note to maintain a good posture.
I'm so not used to it but got to try in order not to become an 'old lady' at such a young age.
I read up more abt vit B1 just now and realised that I could be really suffering an insufficiency of it. And it could be due to long term veganism. i admit that from the day I started to pay attention to my diet in order to lose weight, I cut down alot on meat and diet bulk mainly veg n fruits. This could result the decreased abilty of the body to absorb vit B. Why I think so it's because I have crack lips but actually not that serious la. At times I feel tired easily too but more apparent when my period is coming or here. Lastly, it's because of my numb toe now. Hence I seriously need to make changes to my diet. That is to increase the amt of meat intake but does not include taking in those fatty meat.
Yes, and I have learnt something new! ^_^
Yes, nothing serious abt my numb toe and soon will recover after the damaged nerve has been repaired. And really, he prescribed Vit B12 to me for nerve repair (just like what I've read up previously). Besides, I have to start taking note to maintain a good posture.
I'm so not used to it but got to try in order not to become an 'old lady' at such a young age.
I read up more abt vit B1 just now and realised that I could be really suffering an insufficiency of it. And it could be due to long term veganism. i admit that from the day I started to pay attention to my diet in order to lose weight, I cut down alot on meat and diet bulk mainly veg n fruits. This could result the decreased abilty of the body to absorb vit B. Why I think so it's because I have crack lips but actually not that serious la. At times I feel tired easily too but more apparent when my period is coming or here. Lastly, it's because of my numb toe now. Hence I seriously need to make changes to my diet. That is to increase the amt of meat intake but does not include taking in those fatty meat.
Yes, and I have learnt something new! ^_^
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Holiday trip photos



Hehe... The Jap Momo peach is irresistable so must take a photo with it. ^_^

Too bored while waiting for boarding so decided to take a photo with the bridge behind me. I love that bridge!
Venetian Macau Hotel. Right behind me is the casino downstairs.

YUMMY YUM!! This is my favourite dessert in HK. Mango cubes + juice + pamelo + sago.
Back from HK/Macau
Yozzz... I've been back for 3 days alrd. For the past 1 week in HK, that really seem quite long especially when there are unhappy times happened. Initially everything was rather good, going fine. I'm quite looking forward to it but graudally as the no. of days increased being with my aunt, I really can't stand her. At times, she will ask people questions which I deem as redundant or useless, and also she'll ask me same qns more than once and I have to repeat. This is what I dislike abt because I don't like to repeat same things twice... I'll get irritated by it. So is this a sign of old age? Being forgetful and even lost some kind of thinking process?
Secondly, due to her health conditions she can't walk too much or carry too heavy things. But I feel all these are excuses. Can't do something doesnt equal to 100% inability to do part of it. For instance, she can carry to bagful of things but why can't she carry it down from the plane's top cabin when was abt to get down the plane. I asked can u bring down those things and she replied, 'do u think I can?' WTH... I feel like replying yes why not, since u can carry it. Grrr... I have other bags and 1 cabin size luggage to take it down, why cant she just help abit and just sit there... sick doesnt mean total useless lor... All those are just excuses!
Back to when we're in HK shopping, there was 1 day we went shopping separately and only arranged to meet in the evening to go n meet her friends for dinner. when i met her, she said she's tired after 1 whole day and happily take my hand and put her bagful of things in my hand. what's the meaning of this man... As if i'm not tired ah... I also walked for 1 whole day lor and carried so many things... luckily i went back to hotel to put my things down. Nevertheless, that crumpler bag I carried was also rather heavy lor, my neck almost gave way... I thought after putting down those things i bought at least can feel lighter but nv expected this. Intially tell me dont walk so fast yet when im carrying her stuff, she walked way ahead of me. U call this tired? I doubt...
When we're going back to HK from Macau, I was really carry alot of bags lor... I myself alrd got 3 bagful of things to carry... yet I still have to help her carry 1 bag of hers and she just happily carry 1 bag only... And I look like 1 mad woman came from those mainland carrying so many many bags... Like running for my life, taking refuge somewhere else lor... I felt damn pathetic that time... And the best part is take free shuttle bus (provided by the hotel. And we didnt stay in that hotel. we stayed over at her friend's hse) to the pier to take ferry back to HK. Since we're carrying so many things why cant we take taxi since it's only a short distance. I don't mind paying lor... rather than squeezing up the bus with so many bags... it's really inconvenient ok... Then when I board the bus (i was the last among she and her friend), she told me to sit with her and help her with her luggage later when alighting... Grrr... I know her friend has back problems and I will help if I'm not stuck with so many bags! She shldnt be telling me these lor... I believe she can just lift the small luggage (cabin size) down the bus lor... this takes less than 1 min ok... it's isnt that heavy that will cause heart attack ok... it's not as if she'll be carrying it cont' for long period of time.
On the same day back to HK which was at night alrd, I intend to go n look for the shop where I can get the birkenstock i've been looking for. And to my surprise, those shop now only sells children wear! OMG!!! So i intend to go somewhere else nearby cos I have a whole list of shops. Then she said,' I suggest you call and find out first.' Obviously she's tired to walk (she was alrd sitting down). I really wanted to say back, 'if u're tired why don't u go back hotel first.' That is why I finally told her that I'm going to shop for my things on my own on the next day while she shop for her own stuff.
Soon, it was monday when we'll be returning back to SIN. On that particular morning, we are supposed to check out by 12pm. Because we have many things to carry, I think if call for the bellboy shld be better. It was almost 12pm alrd. Then she said still got time and happily sit there drinking coffee. To me, I don't care if there're many people checking out at the same time or even the hotel won't charge us extra for checking out later (not very late also... perhaps 15-30mins late), I prefer things to be done on time. Ok fine... I didn't anything and shut up. So when we're at the lobby checking out, another friend of hers came, bringing the wife biscuits she helped us to buy. They placed everything in that brown bag I have. So when abt to go to ground floor to put our luggage there, her friend said that bag packed with all the wife biscuits is really heavy. So my aunt tried it herself and said, 'ya really heavy'. Ok lor... fine... I got it! so I said, 'I'll carry then u pull my hello kitty luggage. OMG... My new luggage leh... when i returned home I realised there are scratches!!! I hardly pulled it lor... don know it's her fault or her friend accidentally caused it... My heart aches lor... If i have a choice I WONT let anyone besides myself or my mum to take it.
Her slowness and indecisiveness really irritates me at most times.
For the past 1 week, I'm really pissed off... for a moment I'm mad at my mum too cos she reluctant to let me go overseas myself so I have no choice but to ask my aunt if she wants to go. At first I thought was ok, no big problems but only when we're there all sorts of things happened which make me feel so mad. Thinking back, I can't blame my mum cos my bros are having exam soon and those men in my family are simply useless... everything all depend on my mum... Sick of saying them alrd... But even if they not having exams, I doubt my mum will leave 3 of them alone at home lor... ARGH!!! I'm sick sick sick!!! Sometimes I really feel I'm more like a mum rather than my MUM... And that is why when I'm at home, my temper is never good before... most of the time is having that fierce/strict looking, moody, grumpy, impatient look on me. U think I like meh. But really can't help it... both parents not strict to my bros, most of time only say with no actions so I got to act the bad person lor...
Take 2 days ago for instance, their last paper is only on the next day yet still bring a big group (and i really meant it. i think there are abt 10) of friends to my hse. When his friends all saw me came home, they getting ready to leave soon. That was pretty auto... But i think those who ever been to my hse with my being at home will know that I'm fierce and etc. Haiz... don know shld feel it's gd or bad... It's really feeling terrible and tired to be like this and I don't like it... If they can be more sensible I wont be like this le... this includes my mum. Just like last night, she must do every bits n pieces of housework such that all in place before going to bed. So i blasted at her! I must make sure she goes to bed otherwise I wont sleep. Haiz... only by sacrificing my sleep will make her go to bed slightly faster only otherwise she'll take her own sweet time. alrd not feeling that well yet still don know how to take care... only when becomes serious then got no choice but to rest early. WHY YOUNG N OLD ALL LIKE THAT???!!! SPARE ME CAN?!
Secondly, due to her health conditions she can't walk too much or carry too heavy things. But I feel all these are excuses. Can't do something doesnt equal to 100% inability to do part of it. For instance, she can carry to bagful of things but why can't she carry it down from the plane's top cabin when was abt to get down the plane. I asked can u bring down those things and she replied, 'do u think I can?' WTH... I feel like replying yes why not, since u can carry it. Grrr... I have other bags and 1 cabin size luggage to take it down, why cant she just help abit and just sit there... sick doesnt mean total useless lor... All those are just excuses!
Back to when we're in HK shopping, there was 1 day we went shopping separately and only arranged to meet in the evening to go n meet her friends for dinner. when i met her, she said she's tired after 1 whole day and happily take my hand and put her bagful of things in my hand. what's the meaning of this man... As if i'm not tired ah... I also walked for 1 whole day lor and carried so many things... luckily i went back to hotel to put my things down. Nevertheless, that crumpler bag I carried was also rather heavy lor, my neck almost gave way... I thought after putting down those things i bought at least can feel lighter but nv expected this. Intially tell me dont walk so fast yet when im carrying her stuff, she walked way ahead of me. U call this tired? I doubt...
When we're going back to HK from Macau, I was really carry alot of bags lor... I myself alrd got 3 bagful of things to carry... yet I still have to help her carry 1 bag of hers and she just happily carry 1 bag only... And I look like 1 mad woman came from those mainland carrying so many many bags... Like running for my life, taking refuge somewhere else lor... I felt damn pathetic that time... And the best part is take free shuttle bus (provided by the hotel. And we didnt stay in that hotel. we stayed over at her friend's hse) to the pier to take ferry back to HK. Since we're carrying so many things why cant we take taxi since it's only a short distance. I don't mind paying lor... rather than squeezing up the bus with so many bags... it's really inconvenient ok... Then when I board the bus (i was the last among she and her friend), she told me to sit with her and help her with her luggage later when alighting... Grrr... I know her friend has back problems and I will help if I'm not stuck with so many bags! She shldnt be telling me these lor... I believe she can just lift the small luggage (cabin size) down the bus lor... this takes less than 1 min ok... it's isnt that heavy that will cause heart attack ok... it's not as if she'll be carrying it cont' for long period of time.
On the same day back to HK which was at night alrd, I intend to go n look for the shop where I can get the birkenstock i've been looking for. And to my surprise, those shop now only sells children wear! OMG!!! So i intend to go somewhere else nearby cos I have a whole list of shops. Then she said,' I suggest you call and find out first.' Obviously she's tired to walk (she was alrd sitting down). I really wanted to say back, 'if u're tired why don't u go back hotel first.' That is why I finally told her that I'm going to shop for my things on my own on the next day while she shop for her own stuff.
Soon, it was monday when we'll be returning back to SIN. On that particular morning, we are supposed to check out by 12pm. Because we have many things to carry, I think if call for the bellboy shld be better. It was almost 12pm alrd. Then she said still got time and happily sit there drinking coffee. To me, I don't care if there're many people checking out at the same time or even the hotel won't charge us extra for checking out later (not very late also... perhaps 15-30mins late), I prefer things to be done on time. Ok fine... I didn't anything and shut up. So when we're at the lobby checking out, another friend of hers came, bringing the wife biscuits she helped us to buy. They placed everything in that brown bag I have. So when abt to go to ground floor to put our luggage there, her friend said that bag packed with all the wife biscuits is really heavy. So my aunt tried it herself and said, 'ya really heavy'. Ok lor... fine... I got it! so I said, 'I'll carry then u pull my hello kitty luggage. OMG... My new luggage leh... when i returned home I realised there are scratches!!! I hardly pulled it lor... don know it's her fault or her friend accidentally caused it... My heart aches lor... If i have a choice I WONT let anyone besides myself or my mum to take it.
Her slowness and indecisiveness really irritates me at most times.
For the past 1 week, I'm really pissed off... for a moment I'm mad at my mum too cos she reluctant to let me go overseas myself so I have no choice but to ask my aunt if she wants to go. At first I thought was ok, no big problems but only when we're there all sorts of things happened which make me feel so mad. Thinking back, I can't blame my mum cos my bros are having exam soon and those men in my family are simply useless... everything all depend on my mum... Sick of saying them alrd... But even if they not having exams, I doubt my mum will leave 3 of them alone at home lor... ARGH!!! I'm sick sick sick!!! Sometimes I really feel I'm more like a mum rather than my MUM... And that is why when I'm at home, my temper is never good before... most of the time is having that fierce/strict looking, moody, grumpy, impatient look on me. U think I like meh. But really can't help it... both parents not strict to my bros, most of time only say with no actions so I got to act the bad person lor...
Take 2 days ago for instance, their last paper is only on the next day yet still bring a big group (and i really meant it. i think there are abt 10) of friends to my hse. When his friends all saw me came home, they getting ready to leave soon. That was pretty auto... But i think those who ever been to my hse with my being at home will know that I'm fierce and etc. Haiz... don know shld feel it's gd or bad... It's really feeling terrible and tired to be like this and I don't like it... If they can be more sensible I wont be like this le... this includes my mum. Just like last night, she must do every bits n pieces of housework such that all in place before going to bed. So i blasted at her! I must make sure she goes to bed otherwise I wont sleep. Haiz... only by sacrificing my sleep will make her go to bed slightly faster only otherwise she'll take her own sweet time. alrd not feeling that well yet still don know how to take care... only when becomes serious then got no choice but to rest early. WHY YOUNG N OLD ALL LIKE THAT???!!! SPARE ME CAN?!
Monday, September 29, 2008
ARGH~~
Argh~~~ I don't want to miss tml's Jap lesson. Not only it seems there're lots of things but I love Ando's Sensei's lesson. I feel very happy whenever I go for his lesson. And this level will be the last level taught by him le because if I continue to proceed, he's not teaching pre-advance onwards. Soo... It's really a pity lor... By then I wonder if I will want to carry on anot. So far he's the only jap teacher I like the best so far and yearn to go for his lesson every week.
If not because there are no flights on 1 Oct, I won't choose to fly on tml lor. ARGH!!! I really find it a pity lor and so I'm only left with 2 more lessons and there it goes... Bye bye le Ando sensei! Haiz... How gd if he can cont' to teach us all the way to advance. Why why why? why he dont teach higher level la?!
This is the greatest regret so far...
~安藤先生は一番です!~
If not because there are no flights on 1 Oct, I won't choose to fly on tml lor. ARGH!!! I really find it a pity lor and so I'm only left with 2 more lessons and there it goes... Bye bye le Ando sensei! Haiz... How gd if he can cont' to teach us all the way to advance. Why why why? why he dont teach higher level la?!
This is the greatest regret so far...
~安藤先生は一番です!~
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Busy but Fulfiling Day
Morning:
1) received 3 smses simultaneously indicating they are unable to make it this morning. (what a coincidence!)
2) someone also just told me not coming after 1 hr later after I asked what time is she coming.
Feeling: Very pissed off. Why can't they inform me early or I must 'forced' them to say it out? They must hoping i don't bother to ask so they can get away with it but unfortunately I'm not that kind. regardless whether it's a lie, I just feel very very disappointed.
So eventually only 7 of us turned up but considered ok la. We managed to do something but it took longer than we expected because there are so many materials!!! Mrs Sim really has alot of such things and it's rather a headache for us because we have not done art for like ageesss? But it turned out to be rather nice I admit haha... Although it has yet to be completed but i believe it'll be nice.
Afternoon: After that, we headed for Mrs Fong's wake. Yes, she looked peaceful and at that moment, I hope to visit mrs yeo too after learning that news.... haiz... bad news 1 after another.
Night: I raked up some old photos during KR days and only found 2 precious photos taken with mrs fong as a class. That time we took it because we wanted to waste some time of eng period as we didnt really like eng lessons u see... it's not the teacher's fault but eng itself. although she's really good but having to do comprehension almost every day can be boring u know... I suppose she know's our motives too but just giving some leeway to us. We were really naughty back then by come to think of it now, it seem to be predestined after so many yrs. Because of our naughtiness, it did us a great deed as this photo taken has became one of the most valuable and treasured photo with mrs fong. Because of her strictness, i got higher than expected for eng O levels and im really greatful to her. Thanks mrs fong! In addition, in one of the photo, carol n mrs fong are just standing side by side! what a coincidence isn't it? Nevertheless, both of them will be missed by everyone who knows them.
This is certainly a bad yr for KR but no matter what, i'll pray for KR as a whole to get thru this difficult time... Let's hang on together~Teachers & KentRidgeans & Principals!
1) received 3 smses simultaneously indicating they are unable to make it this morning. (what a coincidence!)
2) someone also just told me not coming after 1 hr later after I asked what time is she coming.
Feeling: Very pissed off. Why can't they inform me early or I must 'forced' them to say it out? They must hoping i don't bother to ask so they can get away with it but unfortunately I'm not that kind. regardless whether it's a lie, I just feel very very disappointed.
So eventually only 7 of us turned up but considered ok la. We managed to do something but it took longer than we expected because there are so many materials!!! Mrs Sim really has alot of such things and it's rather a headache for us because we have not done art for like ageesss? But it turned out to be rather nice I admit haha... Although it has yet to be completed but i believe it'll be nice.
Afternoon: After that, we headed for Mrs Fong's wake. Yes, she looked peaceful and at that moment, I hope to visit mrs yeo too after learning that news.... haiz... bad news 1 after another.
Night: I raked up some old photos during KR days and only found 2 precious photos taken with mrs fong as a class. That time we took it because we wanted to waste some time of eng period as we didnt really like eng lessons u see... it's not the teacher's fault but eng itself. although she's really good but having to do comprehension almost every day can be boring u know... I suppose she know's our motives too but just giving some leeway to us. We were really naughty back then by come to think of it now, it seem to be predestined after so many yrs. Because of our naughtiness, it did us a great deed as this photo taken has became one of the most valuable and treasured photo with mrs fong. Because of her strictness, i got higher than expected for eng O levels and im really greatful to her. Thanks mrs fong! In addition, in one of the photo, carol n mrs fong are just standing side by side! what a coincidence isn't it? Nevertheless, both of them will be missed by everyone who knows them.
This is certainly a bad yr for KR but no matter what, i'll pray for KR as a whole to get thru this difficult time... Let's hang on together~Teachers & KentRidgeans & Principals!
Friday, September 05, 2008
What a tiring day...
It has been a long day for me. I woke up at around 6 because lesson starts early today. Although it ended rather early today too but I'll have to go down to PS to collect things from Suhardi for tml's book making session. When I reached there, he said the book will only arrive at abt 6 or 7pm which is rather late because I have to go walk down to orchard Cineleisure for a movie appointment. So I hanged around at his working place and he treated me a ice lychee tea drink which is rather nice and had a chat with him since we have not seen each other for quite long since graduated from KR. He has not changed much except that I felt he became more mature. Although he's no longer studying (temporary) and working at a small but cosy place, I feel he's happy and it's fulfiling to him which is rather not bad too. I supposed he's the other person whom able to cast others looks aside and do something which he thinks it's good for him. Even though it is not exactly what he likes but at least he is gradually working towards to achieve what he wants. So now it is the gaining experience for a better prepared future.
Likewise, speaking to different type of people do give different views as compared to 'órdinary' peers.
Actually this morning I bumped into aunty rose at clementi mrt station so I had a short chat with her before the train comes. I think it's fate because in fact I could rush for the train which she alighted from as I would usually do when I'm already later than usual. But that day, I just took my time. Last night, I tried to chat with mummy regarding studies area and somehow I sense that actually she doesn't really like me to change... I don know if I'm too sensitive or what but that's how I felt. So I asked myself if I should give up the idea as now is the waiting time so everything seem to be calm and peaceful as not much 'waves' experienced within me. However, there is a sense of reluctance for me to do so... And once agn I seem to enter another struggle inside me. I wish I could msg HIM and see what he will say but come to think of it, I better not trouble him agn. Moreover we do not know each other long so it's rather abrupt to just msg him and trouble him with such things. I believe he will feel weird too so... ya... I'm just left with myself agn n thought thru. And just during the next morning, i met aunty rose and told her abt how sch n stuff and my intention to change... And she told me that she know someone who has high education but in the end chose to be a chef because that's her/his interest. So being highly educated does not simply means that is what the person truely likes but rather at least proved him/herself can do it but does not mean will carry on doing it. So this is how practical the world can be. before able to do sth one likes (especially if it's being stereotyped as low job), proving to others first seem to be more impt? She also did mentioned 1 pt which no 1 has talked abt before too. That is now my age is not considered to young or matured so might not know exactly what I want or like, which is true. Although there are exceptions whereby they know it since young.
And that is why I'm having a hard time and feeling so low during that period of time. Most of time just cry whenever feel that ache within my heart. So after listening to what she said, it seems to be telling me that wad i've done so far is correct, don't back out just because of current quiet period. It might be just before a wave comes if were to take it for real. So don't be decieved by it's appearance/feel.
Hence I smsed ah yee and she replied me in the afternoon. When I read it, I couldn't help but crying after reading because somehow I feel really touched at how she truely care for me. Sometimes I feel my mum didn't play much a role in my development/growing up process because the lessons i learnt thru life is from others instead from parents which shouldn't be right? So anyway... I don't know if all these are conicidence or not, somehow i think GOD has sent these people to prevent me from giving up. It may be true or false but i don't know it now... Perhaps I'll only get the ans in the future.
Likewise, speaking to different type of people do give different views as compared to 'órdinary' peers.
Actually this morning I bumped into aunty rose at clementi mrt station so I had a short chat with her before the train comes. I think it's fate because in fact I could rush for the train which she alighted from as I would usually do when I'm already later than usual. But that day, I just took my time. Last night, I tried to chat with mummy regarding studies area and somehow I sense that actually she doesn't really like me to change... I don know if I'm too sensitive or what but that's how I felt. So I asked myself if I should give up the idea as now is the waiting time so everything seem to be calm and peaceful as not much 'waves' experienced within me. However, there is a sense of reluctance for me to do so... And once agn I seem to enter another struggle inside me. I wish I could msg HIM and see what he will say but come to think of it, I better not trouble him agn. Moreover we do not know each other long so it's rather abrupt to just msg him and trouble him with such things. I believe he will feel weird too so... ya... I'm just left with myself agn n thought thru. And just during the next morning, i met aunty rose and told her abt how sch n stuff and my intention to change... And she told me that she know someone who has high education but in the end chose to be a chef because that's her/his interest. So being highly educated does not simply means that is what the person truely likes but rather at least proved him/herself can do it but does not mean will carry on doing it. So this is how practical the world can be. before able to do sth one likes (especially if it's being stereotyped as low job), proving to others first seem to be more impt? She also did mentioned 1 pt which no 1 has talked abt before too. That is now my age is not considered to young or matured so might not know exactly what I want or like, which is true. Although there are exceptions whereby they know it since young.
And that is why I'm having a hard time and feeling so low during that period of time. Most of time just cry whenever feel that ache within my heart. So after listening to what she said, it seems to be telling me that wad i've done so far is correct, don't back out just because of current quiet period. It might be just before a wave comes if were to take it for real. So don't be decieved by it's appearance/feel.
Hence I smsed ah yee and she replied me in the afternoon. When I read it, I couldn't help but crying after reading because somehow I feel really touched at how she truely care for me. Sometimes I feel my mum didn't play much a role in my development/growing up process because the lessons i learnt thru life is from others instead from parents which shouldn't be right? So anyway... I don't know if all these are conicidence or not, somehow i think GOD has sent these people to prevent me from giving up. It may be true or false but i don't know it now... Perhaps I'll only get the ans in the future.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Heart aching...
3 days have just passed and emotions have yet to settle for the better, this afternoon here came a shocking and bad news from Moose... Mrs Fong just passed away... WHY WHY WHY??? WHY MUST IT HAPPEN? So many things just happened within such short period. This yr is really bad isn't it? Did she die from old age or because of a relapse? I do not know right at the moment but Jenny asked me if she knows abt Carol's death. So what she and I thinking of is the same. We were thinking if mrs fong indeed know abt carol's news, was it really a tremendous shock for her to handle and caused her to go like this...
I never had such feeling before... heart really aches... even though we have not been keeping in contact but i've been praying for mrs fong for good health since after we know she's ill. Was my prayer being answered? I don't know... Not me alone feels absolutely bad n sad abt all these death news... what are the chances of receiving 2 death news in less than 1 week?
Past memories during KRSS days have been flashing past me during these days... although days cannot be reversed but it did happened before n will be there forever. it will not be forgotten and it shan't be.
Time will heal everything~
PS. What can I do for everyone who is mourning for our teacher n dear friend?
I never had such feeling before... heart really aches... even though we have not been keeping in contact but i've been praying for mrs fong for good health since after we know she's ill. Was my prayer being answered? I don't know... Not me alone feels absolutely bad n sad abt all these death news... what are the chances of receiving 2 death news in less than 1 week?
Past memories during KRSS days have been flashing past me during these days... although days cannot be reversed but it did happened before n will be there forever. it will not be forgotten and it shan't be.
Time will heal everything~
PS. What can I do for everyone who is mourning for our teacher n dear friend?
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
2008 is definately a turning point and an eventful yr
Many things especially bad and sad matters have happened within this yr. Just within less than 6 months in between, 2 people arnd me passed away. 1 is my grandfather and the other is xiaoding, my sec sch friend. I see how my grandfather suffered when he was diagnosed with last stage cancer but at least from that point of time till he passed away, this period of time isn't that short but not long either. Everytime I visit him, i wish he can leave earlier, to be released from pain because his state is simply unbearable. It's not being cruel in saying wish that he will go soon but this is a fact which family members or rather everyone shld learn to accept. Since he's uncurable and know he'll bound to go why don't go in peace? Similarly, it was a total shock for me when ck told me carol passed away. It's just too sudden... something which i never expect it to happen on my friends. She's so young yet suffered from some kind of complicated illness which was undiagnosable! Why a person that seem to be close to perfect seem to have such short life? I remembered during sec sch days, there was this time suddenly she flared up in front of everyone during Mrs Tan's lesson. All of us got a shock, inclding mrs tan too because all along she's a fine tempered person. But shortly after, she apologised to us for her sudden frustration and explained that it was due to stress. Only then we know how much stress is she under but nevertheless she's still appear to be happy person in front of us.
The last time I met her was 2 yrs ago when I was the person in charge of a particular gathering or outing I think, i met her to pass her sth or wad which i cant remember the exact details but... I remembered 1 thing very clearly. She wrote and gave me a small card thanking me for keeping in contact with her and she appreciates it. I know she truely means it and I'm touched as well so that card is always in my bag. When i heard this news just now, i took it out to read the contents agn and i think there's no chance of receiving another card or return her a thank you card anymore. However, I believe if i truely wish to send her my greetings she'll receive it no matter how. Though we may not be very close but definately she's a good person to befriend with.
The last time I met her was 2 yrs ago when I was the person in charge of a particular gathering or outing I think, i met her to pass her sth or wad which i cant remember the exact details but... I remembered 1 thing very clearly. She wrote and gave me a small card thanking me for keeping in contact with her and she appreciates it. I know she truely means it and I'm touched as well so that card is always in my bag. When i heard this news just now, i took it out to read the contents agn and i think there's no chance of receiving another card or return her a thank you card anymore. However, I believe if i truely wish to send her my greetings she'll receive it no matter how. Though we may not be very close but definately she's a good person to befriend with.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Awaiting
I've not been posting for the last 1/2 weeks because it's my calming period so more or less everything seems to be the same, continuously repeating and answering myself but after all still can't reach a firm decision. Actually by now, I'm sort of getting adapted n better to ntu's life alrd but still... even if i try to persuade myself which I can because I still like wad I'm doing (but does not mean I will want to work in that field). However, i think change of environment will be good too? I've asked people arnd me what shld i choose but all their ans are abt the same. "life is yours. as long u know wad u really want then go for it." this isn't helping me at all because I'm still indecisive. So what am I waiting for? Something which I don know? Awaiting someone to say the key point out. Although life is turning out to be better gradually and most probably i will forget and cast that big qns aside for quite some time and may only re-appear agn if 1 day the same thing happen to me agn which is suppress my feelings/needs within me n ignore its presence. So currently now still... not making much progress...
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Too many factors to consider
Now come to think of it, if i really want to go overseas there are far more concerns which are pulling me back. And most importantly is my mum. In this entire family all the males are simply useless I can say. They are so dependent on my mum to do everything for them and even if she comes back late, they simply can't be bothered to share the burden by doing some housework, especially that twin brothers of mine. They have eyes to see yet they can just ignore. She slps so late everyday despite i did those hsework for her alrd, i wonder if there's more to do lor. In the end she slps like 2-3 hrs only? I'm damn frustrated can. Irregardless how many times I or ah yee tell or rather say her she just don't take it seriously. For god sake la, age no longer young alrd lor yet still so stubborn. I think I have no other choices but to sacrifice my slp alrd. Perhaps only by using my slping hrs to 'threaten' her then she'll slp early. Haiz... so if i were to go overseas who will share to do the hsework? depend on that 2 doing nth but only play computer games? Can simply forget abt it. I'm so tired of telling them off alrd. I wonder when will they wake up lor. Must really something bad happen then start to reflect or regret? Who Who Who can help me? I'm really worried for her and if this carries on (which most probably will), I can forget abt going overseas with a peace mind. These worries are not redundant right, so how can I not worry abt. I can be very selfish just to think for myself but no matter what, my mum is my top priority. As for those 'males' in this household, i'm not giving a bother since they're so insensible.
Now could be the cooling down period for me I suppose. 1 matter which made me feel rather glad today is that ah yee said she support me too if i forgo studies in singapore n go overseas instead. 1 thing i don want to stay in singapore to study because i think it's becoming more n more scary to study over here. foreigners coming to singapore are also becoming just as competitive as singaporean students especially those real clever ones. All along since pri sch till poly, people arnd me tend to be of the same level (smartness) as me so the envt is rather pleasant n comfortable. Unlike in the uni, where all the real smart people are gathered, the atmosphere is totally different. competition is no longer a motivation but became a necessity instead. as long as u're part of this circle, hard core competition is a must. so it's like a weapon coming after your life, and what u can do is to defend urself. in order to defend, u might need to choose a weapon and in the end it's of the same weapon! This means joining the HCC (hard core competition) too. I believe if a person by nature does not belong to the competitive grp, under such HCC situation influence, gradually will fall into this category unknowingly too. Perhaps uni is a preview to wad the real society is like but i can say that I hate it. Actually it can be quite a torture n more tiring having a average person among the smart grp if he/she is trying hard to chase up their pace or standard. Sometimes able to make it for the minimum alrd is a prob, needless to say to be on par or ahead of them. There is nth impossible as long have the will but sometimes this kind of issue, it is a fact that IQ difference does make difference on actual situation, hard work need not play a part. That's why I don't like the classification of students base on their academic results. it's just like a barrier between the average n smart whereby average people may see smart people to be so full of themselves n arrogant, unfriendly etc. As to wad neg. impression smart people have towards average people, i don know. But certainly, there are misunderstandings between this 2 population. subconcoiously in the minds of average people they have such neg thinking abt smart people, so this could be why smart n average people doesn't really click together unless it's by chance they get to know each other more? Although such neg impression can't be applied to everyone but it seems to have imprinted in average people minds alrd (linking smart n arrogance).
But on the other hand, if there is no grping of students base on their ability. does the smart n average able to get together too? Sometimes I feel it's affinity bah. the type of friends u befriend with usually are of the same kind as self, so it's sort of a kind of attraction cum filtration force. so those of different freq. from self are being repelled further away?
Now could be the cooling down period for me I suppose. 1 matter which made me feel rather glad today is that ah yee said she support me too if i forgo studies in singapore n go overseas instead. 1 thing i don want to stay in singapore to study because i think it's becoming more n more scary to study over here. foreigners coming to singapore are also becoming just as competitive as singaporean students especially those real clever ones. All along since pri sch till poly, people arnd me tend to be of the same level (smartness) as me so the envt is rather pleasant n comfortable. Unlike in the uni, where all the real smart people are gathered, the atmosphere is totally different. competition is no longer a motivation but became a necessity instead. as long as u're part of this circle, hard core competition is a must. so it's like a weapon coming after your life, and what u can do is to defend urself. in order to defend, u might need to choose a weapon and in the end it's of the same weapon! This means joining the HCC (hard core competition) too. I believe if a person by nature does not belong to the competitive grp, under such HCC situation influence, gradually will fall into this category unknowingly too. Perhaps uni is a preview to wad the real society is like but i can say that I hate it. Actually it can be quite a torture n more tiring having a average person among the smart grp if he/she is trying hard to chase up their pace or standard. Sometimes able to make it for the minimum alrd is a prob, needless to say to be on par or ahead of them. There is nth impossible as long have the will but sometimes this kind of issue, it is a fact that IQ difference does make difference on actual situation, hard work need not play a part. That's why I don't like the classification of students base on their academic results. it's just like a barrier between the average n smart whereby average people may see smart people to be so full of themselves n arrogant, unfriendly etc. As to wad neg. impression smart people have towards average people, i don know. But certainly, there are misunderstandings between this 2 population. subconcoiously in the minds of average people they have such neg thinking abt smart people, so this could be why smart n average people doesn't really click together unless it's by chance they get to know each other more? Although such neg impression can't be applied to everyone but it seems to have imprinted in average people minds alrd (linking smart n arrogance).
But on the other hand, if there is no grping of students base on their ability. does the smart n average able to get together too? Sometimes I feel it's affinity bah. the type of friends u befriend with usually are of the same kind as self, so it's sort of a kind of attraction cum filtration force. so those of different freq. from self are being repelled further away?
Saturday, August 09, 2008
I am who I am
At last, I know why am I feeling so particularly lost, confused recently but it's going to turn for the better. And also, I have to make a decision which no one is able to help me except myself cos it's my own life. Now I've got to know myself better it's a good thing too. Feel glad that there is a purpose or direction which I would like to go after. That's all I'm able to say cos the rest will stay within me. When the time is appropriate, perhaps I'll post it here. Sooo... bear with the suspense now...
Meanwhile, it's a good time to loosen up upon seeing old friend, also reminded me of old days that was simply toooo sweet... Though those days cannot be reversed but there will more of such times in the future. Not happening now doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. It could be just the inappropriate time to show up.
P.S. Does it sound kinda familiar?
Monday, August 04, 2008
Still pondering...
Tears rolled down agn just a moment ago after telling Gerrard most imptantly is to be happy. And as I expected he told mummy and here she came talking to me. She said she won't force me if I really don't want to study and I know regardless what decision I make as long I'm happy and know what I want she will support me, as she knows for the past 3 yrs I'm gradually becoming more unhappy. Now the fact is, I'm lost, having no exact idea what I like and want to do. Perhaps this is just a temp lost of direction which I hope so it is. At least I won't be in agony. Or came to realise what I really want and interested to do soon. I think I really lack of self confidence and that's why particularly in such a great struggle now... There's nothing much I can do now right? Maybe I'll just give it a try first and see how it goes as time goes by but most likely nothing will happen?
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Immersing in the midst of a tinct of happiness (xingfu)
Able to see something I like = happiness
Possessing it ≠ happiness
****Felicia = Happy****
Today, I've realised what I want to achieve or rather to find back.... myself... Finding back the old felicia hoo (who) is very important to me because Over the past 3 years, I began to lose recognition of who I am. So, now I'm going to enter a new phase I know I have 2 choices. One is to carry on to be the depressing gal as I have been for the past 3 years or find back my old self, felihaha. Of course, I'm going to find back felihaha in me. Perhaps it's going to be 大変(jap) but maybe at least I am happy. Additionally, I hope I'm able to put down that fierce and strict character of myself in front of my family. I don't like abt this but it has been cultivated into a habit alrd after all the family matters happening all these while. Like I've mentioned earlier on, habits can really be frightening, it's isn't that easy to shake it away. This 2-sided of me is making me feeling tired, really tired till I'm confused about which is then the true me? I dislike complexity, so in other words u can say I'm stupid or sth... but simplicity is the true peace isn't it? Anwyay, I'm not good at words but hopefully someone out there have the same thoughts or understand what I'm trying to express.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Legs to feli: Must your growing up journey seem so dramatic?
After a short cry over the phone with my aunt last night and a rather good slp I felt slightly better this morning. Indeed, crying out does help for me but sometimes the opportunity is not there. However, I still do think about the same qns agn but perhaps I shld listen to Legs and put into action. It sounds simple but it can be difficult to put it into practice, which is to think positively. I do know the importance and impact of thinking positively but somehow I do not want to place false positive hopes and in the end nothing gd comes out. Now i really realised the true a sentence which I came across 1 show. Habits are really a scary thing. Good habits can be cultivated but when good habits cultivated towards the 'extreme end' and carried out continuously for years, it may not be a good thing afterall. To a certain degree, I'm feeling difficult and down. Not really happy just to have this good habit cultivated. And now, I really hope someone will come and stay beside me to give me the courage and helping hand to take the first step 'out' of this good habit. Not to discard it but to make it more enjoyable, dare to take other different risk/challenge at the same time without forgoing current studies. I think I simply have too many burdens and expectations. I must learn how to put some down but at this moment I still can't talk round myself to do so. It seems that all these have been permanently engraved in my head and heart, can't be erased? Maybe it requires some time but I hope it won't be long otherwise it'll be another torturous and unhappy path for me agn. If the person whom I hope to appear in front of me to give me the courage, how gd can it be? Yet once agn, this might just be another false dream of mine, but no matter how there is still a glimse of hope lighting at 1 corner within me hoping it will be noticed, accepted and provide strength to lighten up the whole me!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Wedding (Part 2)
This day has finally arrived after asking and waited for a few years. Indeed, everyone has grown up in terms of appearance (dressing etc.) but I wonder what are they thinking in themselves. As I've posted early on about my inner feelings, I suppose there are people arnd my age faces the same problem too... Up till now, I have yet to find an ans to my qns. Maybe I won't be able to reach for an ans but I'll continue to look for it. So I really envy those who discover their interest since young and have a chance to pursue it. In modern days, how many actually will quit sch and take a different route from other following peers just to pursue his/her own dreams? I suppose many people know what is the outcome. Very few people will eventually choose to pursue their interest especially if knowing that it won't be an easy path. Parents or elders might also not in favour with following own dreams when that occupation seems to be of 'low' pay. Yet why the minority dare to go ahead with it even they know that's a fact? Perhaps, within them there is hope. A hope to excel in what they are doing because it is their interest or passion. In the past, I used to think how silly it is because afterall money is so important in this society. Yes it is a fact that money is important but I believe Happiness is even more important. Only today, I'm confused what shld be my direction for the future. I really don't know and hope someone can help me. Some people may tell me, as long you're happy with what you are doing that shld be gd enuf but somehow I don't feel convinced. Till I've asked someone who is a live example of pursuing his own interest rather than following blindly together with his peers to earn a diploma or degree. That was when a strange feeling of convincement flow within me. It seems to be electrocuted. He said as long being happy with what he's doing and have sufficient money to get-by (pay bills etc.), he'll be happy and that's good enuf. Only when such matters come out from a person whom experienced it before carries a certain degree of influence and convincement. That is why I'm still thinking thinking thinking everyday, totally have no chance of forgetting it. So I really admire those who has the CHANCE & COURAGE to follow n pursue what they want. I was wondering if I will have the courage to change path when I realise what I really want 1 day. Most probably not, so I really hope there will be 'someone' to give me a helping hand n courage to go ahead with it. Only then, I will have no regrets. Really!
Wedding Gift - Caricature Drawing
KRSS Expanded Family

Everyone feels happy for her... P.S. ESPECIALLY US!!!
Why do we feel exceptionally happy? It's because of our bugging all those years while we're still in KRSS, finally this wish has came true!! So we do play a part too right? If we didn't keep asking her when is she getting married, perhaps her romance won't be here so soon? Hahaha... Wad nonsense right? This kind of thing most of the time really depend on fate lor... Sooo... let nature takes its own course... She's really like the Cinderella in the story. Here came her Prince to ask for her hand and happily ever after... Lastly, hope she'll have more more kids soon, and hope it's real soon! Hahaha... In the meantime, the other evil sister should buck up hor?








Saturday, July 19, 2008
Becoming adults
Time really have past fast. So fast we've turned into 20. Looking few yrs back, all of us still in Sec sch. That was when I felt most probably we'll remain the same especially to the few in particular whom I will not mention in detail. However, now after going thru ?'s photo album and soooo... I realised ? has changed alot. back then ? doesn't like to wear skirt but now it's so different. Somehow there's a weird feeling within me. Perhaps it's kinda of jealous or disgusted? Anyway, as times goes by everything changes. I admit that I've changed quite abit too but at least all these were exchanged for it. So of course I will enjoy it. However I will not go overboard. Now I feel that ? is so far away and no longer that person I know in the past. Perhaps we really aren't fated to be good friends. It's just a coincidence. Right at the moment, I'm just living within the small circle which I've drawn for myself. In fact I do not want but it's kinda of some sort of sacrifice in exchange for something. However if somethings happen which i used it to exchange for reality and it's soemthing I've been hoping for long, I won't turn it away but my luck isn't so good afterall. There are many things which I hope I'm able to tell someone but just couldn't open my mouth. It isn't I don't trust my close friend but afterall once bitten twice shy. Haiz... can't explain the complexness within me. Is it part of growing up? Is it normal? Perhaps so I think... there are times which I really wanna tell someone or that person that I **** *** but doesn't have the courage and lack of confidence.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Being 1 day tourist in Singapore
Hi~~Õfficial 1-day Singapore tour (Tourist cum Tour Guide)
Spot 2: Esplanade (the Duriannnnn-liked architect)
This is the first time I went to the roof-top.
Spot 3: Merlion (unfortunately it's having it's bath!)
Spot4: Sentosa (4D Magix)
It has been a long time ever since I last went there. So definately experiencing the 4D Magix is the first time. Although it's slightly ex but once in a while it's still ok la.
Do we look like some Cyclops? Hahaha...
Sooo... Yea, more or less the itinery for today is like that. I'm so tired man... This is the second time being a tour guide and I could tell you... it's not an easy task! I prefer to travel on my own rather than bring people (I don know) around.
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